'Bi Polar Marriage/Divorce'

Bi Polar Marriage/Divorce

Mark (216.170.10.130) -

Today is my wedding anniversary--14 years. My wife was diagnonsed three years ago with cyclothymia and clinical depression. She is taking Effexor, Topomax, Trileptal, and Klonopin. She was seeing the psychiatrist about quarterly for an hour to get med prescriptions refilled.

About three weeks ago we did a family intervention. The result is she agreed to see another psychiatrist for a second opinion on the meds. This practice believes in meds plus counseling/talk therapy which would be a huge step--if she will agree. We are also trying to get her to the Mayo Health Clinic for a full medical and psych evaluation.

In the interim, she is bound and determined to get a divorce. I suspect papers to be served in the next week or two. We have two children and I hate the thought of breaking up our family. She is in the denial/bargaining phase witht the illness.

For the time being, I am simply trying to be her friend and am seeing a psychologist once a week to help me deal with the situation. While I know there are not any magic answers, any help or feedback would be appreciated.

Comment #1 Dr. Doug (200.91.169.133) -

Hi Mark,

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Cyclothymia and Major Depression, with the mood changes, unexpected anger, crying, problems with sleeping and eating are all very difficult on all family members. I agree with your new counseling center when they say there needs to be talk therapy. Some of it should be private (i.e. your wife and her therapist) but you should consider the possibility of family therapy to help everyone in the family to understand the nature of the mental illness your wife has and how to best help her cope with her symptoms.

Medication helps the patient control, and sometimes mask the symptoms. That is where talk therapy comes in. This combination, a type of Bi-Polar Disorder, is very treatable. As to the divorce, this may be something that the counseling can also resolve, at least it is worth the effort. You obviously can't prevent her from filing for divorce if she chooses, however, if she sees that solutions are available to your problems, she may be willing to work on your mutual 14 year investment in each other.

Warmest Regards,

DR. Doug

Comment #2 Fred (68.9.156.54) -

I don't have much in the way of help except to let you know that there are other people (myself) who are dealing with the same situation. My wife has had two psychotic breaks during our 14 yr. marriage (one child 13 yrs. old). The 1st in 1999 and the other just last May. She also had one when she was 20 yrs. old before I ever met her. All three required hospitalization. The psychiatrists finally diagnosed her as having Bipolar I accompanied with delusional thinking. She has been on 300 mg of Serequol. It has brought her mania under control but sometimes I still think her judgement is still abit delusional. I love her very much and want to help her but she too is dead set on getting a divorce and filed just last week. She believes that it is me and the marriage that have made her ill. She also does not belive she is bipolar. She's been living in a seperate bedroom for the last six months. Over this time I have done everything from confess my undying love for her to giving her miles of space. She keeps telling me there is nothing I can do to change her mind. I finally think that my marriage and the years of investment with her are going to be a tragic loss to this disease (P.S. She also believes in her heart that I have been unfaithful to her. Another paranoid delusion. I would never cheat on my wife. This illness sucks!!

Comment #3 Jon from AZ -

Fred, The pain is almost unbearable isn' it?

Reality says you have no control and that you should let it go but the love in your heart says there's always a chance. Your mind has told you over the years that there are always options.

Get down on your knees and submit to your creator for help; he will not disapoint. Trust your God not this BS disease.

God Bless You,

Jon

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