'Bipolar Spouse and Domestic Violence'

Dee (68.57.119.186) -

I am 33, I suffer from PTSD. I have been with my husband for almost 14 years, married for 10 and 3 children. I have been the victim of emotional, psycological and physical abuse for the entire time. I love my husband and I also hate my husband. He has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. This help to explain a lot of things that occur in our lives. My question is: If he takes his meds and truley stablizes do you think the abuse will stop? I can't get help for myself until he either leaves or gets better. It is very scarey to live here most of the time and I personally get tired of protecting myself with numbness. I would appreciate your advice.

Comment #1 Dee (68.57.119.186) -

Is there no Dr. Doug at this site? I have been waiting for some sort of repy for months!

Comment #2 Misha (69.9.29.189) -

Hello Dee,

You are very brave and do not ever deserve to be abused. Bipolar indviduals often suffer from very narcissitic (or self centered) behavior. However there are many people who have mental illness and do not abuse there partners. You are the expert on your situation. Remember it is okay to love your husband and relize he is not good for you. You deserve to be happy. Sometimes after years of abuse it is hard to live without the abuser because they fill up so much of our time we never ask, what do I want? Ask yourself that Dee, what do you want. You deserve to be happy.

Misha

Domestic Violence Advocate

Comment #3 jan (172.149.160.253) -

Dee,

Believe me you are not alone. I agree you are very brave. I understand your problem of loving your husband and hating what you are going through at the same time. I am still here but there is a line that can be crossed. The children's wellbeing and mental health are my #1 priority. My husband refuses any meds because they "can't be good for you". He didn't ask for this horrible illness but he needs to do his part and take meds - they do work and I've witnessed it. Many times I have been terrified, this isn't fair to our children and often in the summer when he is sick we must leave our home because the chaous is too much to bear. He also abuses alcohol. I feel the same frustration as you do because its like this situation of cycling will never end.

Comment #4 jan (172.149.160.253) -

I should also add that I went back to school and this was the best thing I ever did. I started part time 2 yrs. ago and still have a couple more yrs. to go. My husband was VERY opposed to it but I never gave it to his insistance that I get "his" money back. The most important benefit is clear; self confidence. I believed that I was dumb, not I know I am not.

Comment #5 stephanie (144.134.143.32) -

DEE,

You ARE NOT ALONE! I went through the same thing, i also have three children to my now x-partner with bipolar!!

I tried everything to help him but somewhere along the line after losing sight of myself as a person i realised that i am the most stable part of my childrens lives. NO ONE (whether or not bipolar is a factor) needs to accept or be subject to abuse of any kind. That sounds so easy to say "accept" but acceptance is the hardest part of being in an abusie situation. Unfortunatley some abusers (due to no fault of thier own) are subtle in their approach especially when then person who is abusing is not even aware or perceptive of what the consequence of their actions are!!

Take an hour (time it) to think what it might be like to be a kid in the world yours sit in at the moment and it might give you the scope you need to make clealer decisions :)

Don't forget to surround yourself in positive people... and recoginse the good job you have done so far.

Best of best wishes

Comment #6 frank (76.170.156.127) -

I too live with a Bipolar spouse and have for 5 years. I constantly question myself why I stay as the yelling, untrust, and violence are excessive. We do love our spouses and it is very hard to break away. Our children have a hard time dealing with it also. Sincerely

Comment #7 Pauline (199.224.124.166) -

I am engaged to someone who yesterday was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. When I first met him he was on Prozac for depression but then his primary care doctor decided to take him off it. After about three months of being off the medication his personality changed completely. He began screaming at me all the time, throwing things across the house, and finally grabbing me by the head and hitting it into a car. This behavior would be followed by him acting as if nothing happened, being overly nice and happy. I had enough. I told him he either better get to a psychiatrist to find out what the heck was going on with him, and get back on some medication, or I was leaving. Yesterday he went to the psychiatrist and was told he is manic depressive/bipolar as a result of cocaine abuse when he was younger. He started prozac for the depression and another drug for the psychotic episodes that he has to take every day. He is due back to the psychiatrist in three weeks. I hope to God this helps him straighten out because we were together for a while before he originally went off the Prozac and started getting violent. He was a sweet, calm person who wouldn't hurt me in a million years. So I know this isn't who he is...a violent, out of control person. But I will give this medication it's chance to work. If it doesn't change him, if he doesn't change himself, I am out of her.

Comment #8 Rhonda from California - Sun Apr 20 17:21:02 2008

Dee, You are not alone. I myself right now am going through the final stages of being seperated from my husband. I'm filing for divorce actually. We have no children together..we have been together for 13 years, but my children from a previous marriage lived with us until they could no longer stand it. Each one of them left when they were 15 and 16 years old. When I say I understand, believe me I do. I still love my husband very much, but he is venomous and cruel. I have never in my life had someone be so mean and nasty to me. No one can tell you what to do, but I found myself depressed and feeling awful.And after 13 years and feeling like I was losing it. I had to say enough My husband refuses meds and says they are for weak people. Which I have found that bipolar people are also very narcisitic and believe they have nothing wrong. I feel for you. It's not easy. You'll be in my prayers

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